Hansel and Gretel
by Quick-Demon
Summary: Erol and Krew sharing the same bed? Ekk! Two hungry kids and one candy built house in the middle of the wasteland. As if reality isn't strange enough... Hansel and Gretel Jak II style!


Title: Hansel and Gretel

Author: Quick-demon

Disclaimer: Sits on Santa's lap. Santa almost dies with me on his knee but manages to ask me: "What would you like for Christmas little girl?" Me looking up dreamily" "The copyrights of Jak 1, 2 and 3!"Santa laughs "Ho! Ho! Ho- ooww! Sorry little girl I can't do that" I look puzzled "Why can't you grant any wish?" "Yes but there is many more powerful than me" "Who Santa, who?" "Lawyers..."

Rating: PG-13 (rated for language)

Game: Jak II. Knowing the game would help.

Genre: Parody, Humor, General

Warning: Silliness, candy, bad swearing, Jak get 'injected' with Dark Eco and insults on Krew and his mojo

Sequel to: All the fairytales before this. Can be read as a stand alone but _may_ refer to the previous fairytales. This is seventh in the series... I think

Summery: Torn in a little girly dress? Praxis as the witch... Two kids, hunger and one candy built house in the middle of the forest. They go and eat there... and they're not suspicious of a brightly colored house in the middle of the forest? Hansel and Gretel Jak II style.

Author's notes: I was kindly told that my last 'fic sucked. Which I agree so I'm going to make up for it! I was half asleep and wrote for three or four hours straight so this time I'm taking it more slow. Working with my muse and dodging my school assignment.

Sorry for taking so long with this fairytale. Its been over two weeks since I last post so I'm sorry to anyone that waited for this one. So without further ado we're going to visit a well known fairytale that I hope its more suited to your needs and entertainment!

Thanks to Seraphsaiyan for beta-ering. Merry Christmas!

* * *

Should I go through a character list? You end up seeing it with characters anyway.... ah why not. Here is goes. 

Narrator is Daxter  
Hansel is Jak  
Gretel is Torn  
Wood-chopper husband is Krew  
His wife is Erol  
Witch in the house the Baron (because he's evil)

Yes I know some men are playing women roles... only because they're suited to that role. And its more fun! :)

* * *

Narrator/Daxter washes himself in a bath tub with a shower cap and a rubber ducky in his hand, "Rubber dub, dub. Three guards in a tub, they all wanted a back rub..." 

Hansle/Jak, "Daxter?"

Narrator/Daxter not listening, "Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily..."

Hansel/Jak shouted, "DAXTER!"

Narrator/Daxter jumps attention, "Yikes! Huh? What the...? What are they doing here! Get out! Can't a freaking Ottsel have a bath in peace!"

Hansel/Jak groaned, "Daxter you're late. You suppose to be in the box narrating a Fairytale"

Narrator/Daxter cheeks turn red, "Oh... give me some privacy so I can change"

Hansel/Jak rolled his eyes, "Dax... you already naked. You don't need privacy to dry yourself"

Narrator/Daxter glared, "Can't I have any dignity? I'm coming I'm coming! Ok bye bye ducky. Hmmmm, mmmm..."

Hansel/Jak sighs, "Don't worry folks we have all day for his hin-e-ness"

Narrator/Daxter pulling the plug and stalking over to the chair, "Get out Jak! I've got a story to do"

Hansel/Jak grins and leaves, "Finally"

Narrator/Daxter pulls off pink shower cap and grabs the microphone, "Hey everyone. Sorry about that, they must of change the schedule for the next Fairytale in the memo. Unfortunately I don't read memos so I didn't know. Anyway today's story is another chance to poke some fun at Torn and eat candy! (Great for the Christmas and New Year celebrations!) Yay! So let get this one on the road!

Once upon a time in a large Wasteland stood a small little cottage. In this cottage lived a family of four. Mum, Dad and two kiddies"

Hansel/Jak said flatly, "Gee that's specific"

Narrator/Daxter glared, "Shut up! Anyway the two kids were Hansel and Gretel. Mothered by the bitter sweet Erol and the fat lazy Krew. They were once a rich family that use to live in an abundant land full of food and luscious forests but a famine broke out when Krew turned up to marry Erol"

Mother/Erol spluttered, "What! I marry _him_?"

Father/Krew smiled, "A fine prize to have in your house ey?"

Mother/Erol huffed, "You don't even fit through the door"

Father/Krew threatened, "Watch it ey!"

Mother/Erol sneered, "Watch it? You got that right. Watch your weight"

Narrator/Daxter nodded, "I agree. We'll you're going to loose weight since there's a famine. The famine suddenly came when you're here"

Hansel/Jak blinked, "Wait a minute are you saying Krew caused the famine?"

Narrator/Daxter rolled his eyes, "Duh. He's big enough to eat Haven City dry"

Father/Krew growled, "Grrrr, no more fat jokes! People who do have a habit of _disappearing_..."

Narrator/Daxter frowned, "Hey tubby! I'm in charge and no one's disappearing unless I say so! So shut your fat gob and suck it in!"

Father/Krew lifted his five chins, "No one bosses me around!"

Narrator/Daxter mocked, "Oh poor Krew has superiority issues. Just get over it. I don't know how but you play a small part in the tale so stop you're wining! That's right hover away."

Father/Krew flew to the door frame trying to fit in and grumbling, "Someone made this house smaller"

Gretel/Torn yelled, "That's it you little mangey squirrel! I am sick of you're stupid casting! For once can you put me down as a **male character**? And to hell I'm Jak's sister"

Hansel/Jak looking hurt, "What's wrong being my sister?"

Mother/Erol sneered, "Nice dress. Fitting for the Underground's _undercover_ operations"

Gretel/Torn growled, "Shut the fu (at this point Krew squeezed through the door frame making the door bigger. Now the frame is apart of his form. It made a loud sound conveniently blocking the rude word) up! At least I'm not licking the Baron's ass for approval and carrying out his every whim like a trained monkey"

Mother/Erol shook his head and said mockingly, "Such manners. Since you're under my strict parenting in this story it looks like you have to obey my every whim"

Gretel/Torn exclaimed, "What! Get fu (at this point Krew found some food and stuffed his face. Making loud slurping noises conveniently blocking out the rude word). You're are going to pay rat!"

Narrator/Daxter beamed, "Wow. This is one big happy family!"

Hansel/Jak muttered, "Giant family if you include Krew"

Father/Krew growled between slurps, "I heard that!"

Narrator/Daxter sighed, "Shall we continue? Krew! Stop eating the food! For Mar's sake you have two kids to feed!"

Father/Krew stops eating in mid chew and turned to the group outside, "You all insulted me. And I can't resist a good feed. Consider it as your punishment, ha ha ha!"

Mother/Erol shook his head, "What did I see in him to marry him?"

Narrator/Daxter cleared his throat, "Soon darkness fell and everyone went to bed with no dinner, since Krew ate all the food. Erol and Krew were in bed-"

Mother/Erol screeched, "I'M IN BED WITH KREW!?"

Gretel/Torn smirked, "Suck shit!"

Narrator/Daxter blinked, "Uh yeah"

Mother/Erol trembled with rage, "Are you fu-(Krew makes a loud snorting sound)-ing mad? I can accept yoai fics where I've been paired with Torn or Eco Freak but Krew? KREW!? He can't even see his own dic-(Krew growls 'hey!') for Mar's sake! I refuse! I don't care if your the 'all powerful' narrator but I am not sleeping with Krew!"

Narrator/Daxter put his hands up, "Ok! Ok! Ok! Settled down. Lets take this discussion to the kitchen ok?"

Gretel/Torn smirked, "If you make him sleep with Krew, rat, I'll forgive you for what ever you do to me"

Mother/Erol snarled, "Go to bed!"

Gretel/Torn shot back, "Make me"

Mother/Erol spat, "I'm your mother in this story! You do what I say so got to bed!"

Gretel/Torn goes sulkily back to his room, "Stupid evil mother..."

Father/Krew looks hurt, "What are you talking about Erol? I can see my own dic-"

Narrator/Daxter clears throat, "Erham! The couple sat at the kitchen table discussing what they were to do with the famine. How they were going to feed themselves and how they were going to make the money to do so"

Mother/Erol accusingly to Krew, "You're lazy! You don't work so we have no money do buy food. All the food is left was eaten by you. SO if you don't pull your weight and there is no excuse for the pun, I suggest you should get out!"

Father/Krew snorts, "Me work? Never! I never work! I get others to do may bidding and get illegal goods that are worth thousands! Why can't the wife go and work? There's something called feminism and women are part taking in male dominated industries. Why don't you work, ey?"

Mother/Erol folded his arms, "We're here in the wasteland! Where the hell are they going to need a Krimzon Guard! Wastelanders despise me! I get shot on sight! Wait a minute... why don't we get rid of those two annoying runts?"

Father/Krew looks confused, "I've taken them out years ago"

Mother/Erol blinked in confusion, "No I'm talking about Jak and Torn"

Narrator/Daxter corrected, "Hansel and Gretel in the story"

Mother/Erol glared, "Keep your pink nose out of it!"

Narrator/Daxter grumbled away, "Tell me what to do..."

Father/Krew lights up, "Ahhh splendid! We can drown them"

Mother/Erol glared, "We have no water since you drank it all"

Father/Krew suggested, "Then perhaps we should send them on a mission"

Mother/Erol grinned evilly, "Suicide mission"

Father/Krew grinned, "To the Metal Head Nest"

Mother/Erol shook his head, "They're too smart for that"

Father/Krew looked around thinking, "Into the wastelands, where they'll get lost and surely perish"

Mother/Erol smiled, "No more mouths to feed"

Father/Krew patting his stomach, "More food for me"

Mother/Erol gave Father/Krew a dirty look but both broke out into an evil laugh, "Mmm ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Narrator/Daxter cringes, "Okaaay. That was too freaky..."

Mother/Erol asked, "How are we going to do it?"

Father/Krew licking his fingers, "Leave it to me"

Narrator/Daxter shivers, "Oh boy. Behind the bedroom door Jak and Torn overheard the plot against them"

Hansel/Jak hissed, "I knew it!"

Gretel/Torn snorted, "What are we going to do?"

Hansel/ Jak turned from the door, "Find our way back here"

Gretel/ Torn frowned, "Why?"

Hansel/ Jak smirked, "To piss them off"

Gretel/ Torn mirrored Jak's expression, "I like your style"

Hansel/ Jak grabbed his communicator device (the big floating one where people can talk to him when Jak's in the field), "I wonder how this thing turns on?"

Gretel/ Torn frowned, "What the hell are you doing?"

Hansel/ Jak managing to to turn on the device, "Trying to make this thing work. Here..."

Gretel/ Torn folding his arms, "What are you planning?"

Hansel/ Jak sighed, "I wish Keira were here. Hey Dax can we reprogram this thing? I know it floats around and follows me when people make contact but I need it to be reprogrammed so it can always find the way here"

Narrator/Daxter bit his lip, "hmm I don't know..."

Hansel/ Jak asked, "Can't you use one of your powers to make this thing do that?"

Narrator/Daxter smiled, "I thought you never ask. You owe me"

Hansel/Jak snorted, "Consider it debt payment! I save your ass lots of times"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "Fine, fine! Jak developed Mega Mechanical skills thanks to Keira's explanations on the Rift Rider and used it to reprogram the communication gear. Once that was done he stored it back in his pack. There happy?"

Hansel/Jak smiled, "Very!"

Gretel/Torn folded his arms, "So that thing will lead us back here?"

Hansel/Jak grinned, "Yes. I can't wait and see the look and Erol's and Krew's faces"

Gretel/Torn smirked, "Me neither"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "The children slept that night. Erol and Krew slept-"

Mother/Erol snarled, "We didn't sleep together! Krew takes the whole bed!"

Narrator/Daxter finished, "Apart..."

Mother/Erol sniffed, "Thank you"

Narrator/Daxter continued, "The next morning Erol and Krew woke them up early and sent them on a mission to retrieve water from the river far away"

Mother/Erol folded his arms, "Since Krew drank our supply dry go and get some water"

Hansel/Jak sighed, "Do we have to?"

Mother/Erol glared, "Yes because I'm your goddamn mother in this this story and you're just a lowly Eco Freak. So get you're skinny ass into gear and get lost!"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "Owch. With that Erol slammed the door in their face and they had no choice but to complete the mission. They walked across the barren wasteland all day. They were hot tired and lost by the time they found a dried up river"

Gretel/Torn grins lazily, "Look Jak there's Ashelin a bikini!"

Narrator/Daxter looks around frantically, "Where?! Where?!"

Hansel/Jak sighed, "That's a mirage Torn"

Narrator/Daxter clicked his fingers, "Rats"

Gretel/Torn blinked and rubbed his eyes, "Goddamn it! That bastard Erol! I'm going to kill him a hundred ways before he dies!"

Hansel/Jak blinked and frowned at that, "Uh if you kill him a hundred time-"

Gretel/Torn sighed, "Forget it. The heat's got to me. Can we go back now before I become a Yakow roast?"

Hansel/Jak nodded, "Yeah"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "Jak pulled out the communicator device. It floated around before zooming off to a direction. Jak and Torn followed it. By nightfall their chase led them back home. Jak knocked on the door. Erol answered"

Mother/Erol frowned, "How did you...? Where's the water?"

Gretel/ Torn growled, "There is none chicken shit so move out of the way and let us in"

Mother/Erol folded his arms and sneered, "Oh? Why should I? Come back with water and I may let you in..."

Hansel/Jak growled and pointed his finger at his chest, "If you don't let us in I'm going to stick my gun so far up your ass you'll be shooting bullets!"

Mother/Erol laughed, "Your threats mean nothing to me Eco Freak"

Narrator/Daxter sighed, "Erol you're holding up the story, so I'm going to move it right along"

Mother/Erol growled, "You can't-"

Narrator/Daxter narrated smugly, "I can. Erol let the two children in. They all once again went to bed with no food"

Mother/Erol muttered under his breath, "One of these days I'll be narrator..."

Narrator/Daxter told the story, "The next day the family was seated around the kitchen table. Krew had stomach pains. He zoomed straight to the bathroom and slammed the door. Unfortunately for all of us we had to hear all the strange noises coming from there and a disgusting smell! Ewwww! Yuck!"

Hansel/Jak sniffed, "Is that what I think it is?"

Mother/Erol chocked, "Shit! It stinks!

Gretel/Torn retored, "Of course it stinks"

Mother/Erol growled, "Shut up _Gretel_"

Hansel/Jak gasped, "Great mother of Mar! What did he eat?"

Narrator/Daxter snapped, "Everything! He has to cut down the fibre in his diet because this smell is just wrong!"

Gretel/Torn stood up, "You know what. I'm outta here"

Hansel/Jak stood up as well, "So am I! I can't stand this! Ugh!"

Mother/Erol growled, "You can't leave me here with _him_!"

Gretel/Torn smirked, "Watch us!"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "The two children left and ran out of sight of the stinky house"

Hansel/Jak asked, "Where to now?"

Gretel/Torn shrugged, "Find some shelter and find some food. I haven't eaten for two days!"

Hansel/Jak nodded, "I agree! I'm starved"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "The two children wondered around the wasteland suffering from server dehydration and a lack of food"

Hansel/Jak whined, "Daaax can't you do something? We're dying here!"

Narrator/Daxter shrugged, "Perhaps. Its not my fault you left the house"

Gretel/Torn snapped, "Hey! Krew was stinking the whole place out and _you expect us_ to say in there?"

Narrator/Daxter mutted, "Well no..."

Hansel/Jak whined, "So do something!"

Narrator/Daxter sighed, "Oh alright! Alright! I'll give you something to eat and drink but it doesn't come without consequences..."

Hansel/Jak shrugged, "Whatever, just give us something!"

Narrator/Daxter rubbed his hands together, "Ok you asked for it! Hansel and Gretel stumbled upon a house in the middle of the Wasteland. But this house wasn't your ordinary house. It was made out of crunchy gingerbread and decorated with different coloured icing, the roof made of milk rich chocolate, the windows of sweet toffee and sugar frost, the door made of chocolate and peanut snap and a marshmallow for a door handle"

Gretel/Torn shaking his head, "That's got to be another illusion!"

Hansel/Jak growled, "Daxter! Kicking us when we're down is very low of you! How can you even set up a mirage like that when we're almost dead from starvation?!"

Narrator/Daxter urged, "Its not a mirage! Go and see for yourself! It's real! Jak! You know me better than to do that to you! I'm hurt! The two children approached the strange house. Seeing it was real they started to eat it"

Gretel/Torn stuffing his face, "I'm not the one for sweets but rat you've out done yourself!"

Narrator/Daxter blinked mockingly, "Is Torn giving me a _complement?_

Gretel/Torn stopped and glared, "Shut up rat, I'm half cooked from the sun! What ever I say nice about you...I'm in a delusional state"

Narrator/Daxter mocked, "Awwww Torn's proud of me"

Gretel/Torn throws a bit of Gingerbread at the Narrator's box, "If you don't shut your rapid mouth I'm going to shove this candy cane up your ass and use you as a Christmas Decoration!"

Narrator/Daxter smirked, "Touchie, touchie. It's ok Torn. I love you too"

Gretel/Torn growled, "That's it! You're dead!"

Hansel/Jak growled, "Will you two cut it out?"

Witch/Baron Praxis growled, "Why do such low lives eat my house up? Do you not know how long I've taken to built it? Especially since chocolate melts under the sun"

Hansel/Jak blinked, "He's the owner of the house? What about the palace?"

Narrator/Daxter shrugged, "It's his holiday home I guess"

Gretel/Torn frowned, "You 're a witch?"

Witch/Baron Praxis looked at both of them, "I'm a man of many talents, I am whoever I want to be. Yes I am a witch but my title is a warlock since I am a male"

Hansel/Jak retorted, "We could have never known..."

Witch/ Baron Praxis looking at them, "If you stop eating my house I'll give you some proper food inside"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "The Baron went inside and the children followed"

Gretel/Torn folded his arms, "I don't trust him"

Hansel/Jak agreed, "Me neither. I say we eat and blow this joint"

Gretel/Torn smirked, "Sounds like a plan"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "The Baron gave his guests food and water and they ate until they were full. They couldn't help if the food was delicious and they were starving"

Witch/ Baron Praxis gave a smile, "Would you like to rest? I have beds available"

Hansel/Jak shook his head, "Um no... I think we had enough"

Gretel/Torn agreed, "I think we've overstayed our welcome"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "The two children approached the door but the Witch stood in the way"

Gretel/Torn growled, "Get out of the way!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis gave a cold smile, "I think not. You see I'm a Warlock and I've been waiting for starving children like you so I may ensnare them and do what ever I want with them"

Hansel/Jak growled, "Like hell we're staying here!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis smile grew into a sneer, "I have plans Jak. Many plans and you two are apart of them"

Narrator/Daxter blinked, "Wait a sec! Uh oh! Who brought them into the picture? Oh sorry... erm... Krimzon Guards surrounded the two children"

Witch/ Baron Praxis gave a triumph smile, "Resistance if futile"

Narrator/Daxter shaking his head, "No, no, no! You can't have Krimzon Guards in the Fairytale!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis frowned, "Why not?"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "Because they're not on the character list!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis reasoned, "Bad guys always have minions! Minions are too insignificant to be listed. Check in the _Character's guide to Fairytales_"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "You weasel!"

Hansel/Jak asked, "Daax? What's going on?"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "Mr. Muscle over there just got away with having Krimzon Guards by his side.. behind my back. That's what and there's isn't anything I can do about it!"

Gretel/Torn growled, "So you're going to throw us to the Crocadogs?"

Witch/ Baron Praxis smiled smugly, "I'm afraid so. I believe your narrator cannot interfere with the story if its running its course. He has done this many times and so lost his title when Torn entered the box"

Narrator/Daxter blinked, "Wait a sec... you mean that time was no accident?"

Witch/ Baron Praxis shook his head, "Indeed. You were suspended for two Fairytale stories for participating in _Jak-erella _and ruining _Repunzel_. It's pitiful you did not know. If you interfere again you will be suspended from further stories. This is listed the _Fairytale book of law. _It shouldn't surprise me that a rodent wouldn't read something they hardly understand"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "Why you..."

Witch/ Baron Praxis smiled triumphantly, "You may watch while I torture your friends..."

Narrator/Daxter yelled, "Wait nooo! This isn't suppose to happen! Hey give Jak and... even Torn back here! Where you taking them?! What are you doing?!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis smiled evilly, "I have a project that will ensure the defeat of the Metal Heads and all those who oppose me! Ha ha ha!"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "You're not getting away with this Praxis!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis grinned, "I think I already have"

Narrator/Daxter shaking his head, "No no no no! This is all wrong! The Witch was suppose to intend to eat the children and the children would escape. Not him torturing them! I've got to do something! But what?"

Hansel/Jak yelled, "Daxter do something! You're the narrator! I saved your ass many times!"

Gretel/Torn snarled, "Forget it Jak! He made this house and it came with the Baron. It's his fault we're in this mess. I should never trust your stupid rat"

Narrator/Daxter said defensively, "Hey! I didn't know this thing had a loop hole! I didn't know Praxis could have Krimzon Guards!"

Gretel/Torn snarled, "Excuses! You're going to pay big time rat!"

Narrator/Daxter whimpered, "I'm sorry!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis sneered, "How touching. As narrator you must over see everything. Today you'll watch as I torture Jak with Dark Eco"

Narrator/Daxter blinked, "Dark Eco? Isn't he already-"

Witch/ Baron Praxis smiled triumphantly, "His pure child like body will be perfect for surviving the long hours of injections. My new Dark Warrior program will be a success"

Narrator/Daxter thinking quietly, "Wait a sec... if Jak's a "child" in the story then of course he wouldn't have been tortured with Dark Eco. Once with Dark Eco he can go purple... That's it I found the ending!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis looked on coldly, "Strap him to the chair"

Narrator/Daxter gulped, "Oh boy. Jak's going to kill me... Oh uh sorry peoples. The Baron and the children went into another room in the house. It was all metal and strangely mirrors the prison back at the fortress. Held at gun point by a ton of Krimzon Guards Jak was forced onto a metallic chair with some machinery twirling above it. Torn was forced to one side under the Krimzon Guard gun point"

Hansel/Jak pleaded fearfully, "Daxter! Please! Do something! Please not again!"

Narrator/Daxter bit his lip, "I'm sorry I can't do anything. Just once Jak... that's all I'm asking. Just this once then I can do something"

Hansel/Jak looked over desperately to Daxter, "No Dax... I can't..."

Narrator/Daxter seeing the desperation and fear he managed to let out, "I'm sorry"

Witch/ Baron Praxis had enough and said coldly, "Begin"

Narrator/Daxter closed his eyes, "I'm not going to look! Oh Mar! Why did I do this? Stupid Praxis! Please make the screaming stop! I'm sorry realworlders... I can't narrate this part.... I just...can't... All I can say is Jak is screaming like hell and there isn't a goddamn thing I can do about it..."

Witch/ Baron Praxis chuckled in triumph, "Watch little rat, watch as he is reborn into a deadly soldier! I'll finally destroy those Metal Heads that keep eating this house. Kill them at the Nest"

Gretel/Torn snarled, "You're a sick mother fu-!"

Hansel/Jak screamed, "Ahhhhhgggghhhhh. Ahhhhhhh!"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "Stop it!"

Witch/Baron Praxis laughed, "Heh, heh, heh"

Narrator/Daxter shouted, "Stop it!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis laughed, "Heh, heh, heh"

Narrator/Daxter screamed, "STOP IT!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis laughed, "You the Narrator cannot intervene"

Narrator/Daxter snarled, "Oh yeah? To hell I can't! Just watch me! I believe it's time of their escape- JUST AS THE STORY SAYS! The injection cycle was complete and Jak laid limp at the table"

Witch/ Baron Praxis snorted, "You may have stopped the torture but you cannot aid the rescue of the your friends"

Narrator/Daxter smirked, "Unless requested"

Witch/ Baron Praxis frowned, "What?"

Narrator/Daxter teased, "Oh didn't you know? In _In the Fairytale Law, A Narrator's Guide _under Narrators Rules and Regulations subsection 19.3 paragraph 4, 5 and 6 states that Narrators can only intervene when the Fairytale has gone astray, the character requests help where they cannot complete the ending themselves and when a character is not suppose to be killed and they are. If you're going by the book then so am I! Two can play this game Praxis!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis laughed, "You're forgetting one thing"

Narrator/Daxter frowned, "What?"

Witch/ Baron Praxis smirked, "Jak is too weak to request anything"

Narrator/Daxter smirked, "Maybe so but Torn isn't"

Gretel/Torn growled, "Hey don't drag me into this!"

Narrator/Daxter shrugged, "If you want me to spring you out then you have to request it"

Gretel/Torn snapped. "Over my dead body I'm going to ask help from a _rat_ and a traitor!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis laughed, "It seems you've lost out Daxter"

Narrator/Daxter snapped, "Swallow your bloody pride! You guys are in trouble and I can help you! Do you think I enjoy you guys being tortured here?! I _have_ to see what's going on! So make that request or you both stay here for a long time"

Gretel/Torn glared and growled, "Fine. Daxter I request your.... help. Get us out of here"

Witch/ Baron Praxis growled, "You can't!"

Narrator/Daxter smirked, "I can. It goes along the story. The children escape and you're going down!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis growled, "You'll pay for this!"

Narrator/Daxter teased and then narrated, "Have a cry. I think you hurt Jak long enough! Suddenly Jak moaned and stirred. Then quiet suddenly purple sparks crossed his chest then suddenly he turned into his purple self... or you realworlders refer to as Dark Jak. 'Dark Jak' broke out of metal restraints and ran around the room killing all of the Baron's Krimzon Guards in a bloody gore... ok since this is a children's fairytale they all were covered in tomato sauce"

Witch/ Baron Praxis growled, "Nooo! My Guards! How can this monstrosity happen?"

Narrator/Daxter smirked, "You underestimate the power of Dark Eco"

Dark Hansel/Jak, "I'm going to kill you Praxis!"

Witch/ Baron Praxis chucked, "I'm a Warlock. You cannot kill me"

Dark Hansel/Jak scolded, "Then I'll just have to put you into a prison cell instead"

Narrator/Daxter narrated, "Jak's super human powers threw the Baron into a prison cell that was near the chair and locked the door with the Baron's own key card and code. Soon Jak returned to normal and they were both free.

Gretel/Torn asked, "You ok?"

Hansel/Jak force himself to look in Torn's eyes, "I will be. Thanks Torn"

Narrator/Daxter growled, "Hey! What about me? I came up with the idea in the first place!"

Hansel/Jak grinned, "Thanks Dax. I knew you'll pull through"

Narrator/Daxter looked guiltily, "I'm sorry about...

Hansel/Jak shrugged it off, "Forget it. We got to get out of here"

Gretel/Torn frowned, "Where we going. I'm certainly not going back to Erol and Krew. Hard ass and big ass: the worst parents of the year"

Narrator/Daxter wiggled his fingers, "Leave it to me! I got a fairytale to finish! Hansel and Gretel went into another room of the house and found a the Baron's quarters. They found a small treasure box filled with gold, jewels and precious stones. They took it and left the gingerbread house behind"

Hansel/Jak cheered, "Great we're rich!"

Gretel/Torn growled, "But we're in the middle of the Wasteland! Where in Haven City are we going to go?"

Narrator/Daxter smirked, "The palace"

Gretel/Torn frowned, "Excuse me?"

Narrator/Daxter repeated, "The palace. Since the Baron is dead and no one owns it you guys get to move in and keep it"

Hansel/Jak cheered, "Cool! I'm the king!"

Gretel/Torn growled, "King? You're not the king! I'm the king!"

Hansel/Jak growled back, "Hey I saved your ass!"

Gretel/Torn retorted, "I made the request. If it wasn't for that you couldn't do squat!"

Hansel/Jak said stubbornly, "So the title is rightfully mine. I'm Mar's heir"

Gretel/Torn growled, "Says who?"

Hansel/Jak grinned, "Says the Oracle in the Tomb of Mar"

Gretel/Torn shrugged, "So it had a mistaken identity crisis, it doesn't make you the heir of Mar"

Hansel/Jak growled, "The Kid was me. He opened the tomb and was the heir. So that make _me_ the heir and rightfull King!"

Narrator/Daxter pointed out, "He has a point there you know"

Gretel/Torn growled, "Shut up!"

Hansel/Jak grinned, "How would you like to be my Chief Guard then? My Commander of the Krimzon Guard armies?"

Gretel/Torn sighed, "I guess so since the Underground would be over and Erol would refuse to work for you"

Narrator/Daxter closed the story, "And so Jak became King with Torn as Commander of the Krimzon Guard. Everyone was happy since there was no evil Baron anymore. The city was cleaned up and Jak ruled heartily and well. And I got a swimming pool full of mint chocolate and a harem full of women! Yes! Anyone for bikini waxing? Er... we all lived happily ever after! The End!"

Jak cheered, "Yes!"

Torn asked, "Hey, rat, what happens to Krew and Erol?"

Daxter shrugged, "I guess they die in the Wasteland from a lack of food and water. Who knows"

Jak nodded, "They disserved it"

Torn smirked, "I'm not complaining"

Daxter waves, "Buh-bye Realworlders! Have fun with your traditions over the holidays!

* * *

That was better than the last story I hope. I'm up and down with these things. I seem stronger with some and other I'm not... Ah well I have lots more tales to tell. If you like tell me what you what fairytale you would like to see next. 

You like? You hate? Send me a review. Tell me what you thought of this fic.


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